Brooklyn NY, Ft Lauderdale FL. CHAMPS.

For the “I Love NY” night of Champions Read (to take place in August), we are reading a couple pieces of literature appropriate to the theme, including The Fortress of Solitude by Johnathan Latham.

Reading this book, which is set in Brooklyn (my current home), while in Florida (my childhood home) was really weird. It drew a comparison that made South Florida seem an even stranger place to have grown up.

Therefore, I have decided to list 40 ways that South Florida is among the weirdest/awesomest/creepiest/most hilarious places in the U S of A.

1. Epic numbers of cougars, 2. Unnecessary tanning salons, 3. Floral t-shirts, 4. “Jessie’s Girl” playing in every bar, 5. No sure sign of what decade it is, 6. Canals being streets, 7. Men in leather slip-on shoes, 8. Day drinking, 9. “Waterfront Homes”, 10. T-shirt tan lines, 11. Proximity to Disney World, 12. Alligators, 13. People walking along with beach who carry parrots on their shoulders, 14. I heard that stupid 90’s song. “Come my lady/ come come my lady/ you’re my butterfly/ sugar baby” on the radio twice in one day, 15. Fake boobs, 16. Boating/boaters, 17. Strip malls, 18. The Swap Shop Flea Market, 19. Only big blockbuster movies make it to theatres unless they play at the small gay theatre with only 4 screens, 20. Teenagers in slutty outfits, 21. Guys showing off their chest hair, 22. Public drinking is legal, 23. Tourists and locals mingling, 24. Old Jewish New Yorkers and their grandkids coming to visit, 25. Boca Raton (see #24 for description), 26. Blue Mercedes, 27. Gel in hair, 28. Driving windows down year round, 29. High brow/low brow business mingling, 30. Hot weather makes for sex among gross people, 31. The fact that anyone ever wears jeans there (which they do, all the time), 32. Cocky iguanas, 33. Tattoo parlors and underage piercings, 34. Tan/pale dilemma, 35. Hurricanes, 36. People driving Hummers on the flattest roads in the country, 37. Jimmy Buffett, 38. Bob Marley year round (no association with Florida), 39. Flow-Ridah, 40. Shitty rap making perfect sense.

[POST BY CHAMPION STEF, ASSIST BY CHAMPION SMASH]

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